my bff. =)
10 years of friendship.

i just wanna sat that fuhua secondary school students make me upset a lot.
They just seem to destroy all the efforts everyone do. They made the choir look like losers who sing alone on National Day celebrations. The y made prefects look like retards, by not dancing when to the ACES Day choreography. They seem to be apaethetic about every goddamn thing, and can you believe it? Im leaving the school with this kind of an impression of the earlier batches before us. Whatever happened to all the enthusiasm? If there was even any to begin with.

I remembered the batch before us, everyone was pretty "shameless". They'd do anything to show their support. Go up to stage to pass flowers to fellow performers from their class. Jump up and down. Well, I wished there was ever a mosh pit, but its a goddamn school and by clapping and screaming andjust standing up, it would give a lot of support.

Well, all I have to say about those students who think they are cool by not supporting in whatever the occasion is- four words for you guys. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG?maybe that's five words but you know why the society is so screwed? it's because nobody cares.and it starts with us.  And the school is where CARE should be incalcuted in students, just like how the teachers show CARE towards us goddamit. Nobody appreciates the efforts put in by student leaders who contribute to the school, and god, i seriously hate people who just stand around and complain about how something is so lame, so stupid, or have done it before when they have not even really fully participated in it.  Can you guys perform a perform a better dance, or a better magic trick within short notice, in front, of( the worst reason of all) people who you know would never participate?

fuhua students need to do something about ourselves.

hey guys, im blogging from republic poly. waiting for dharsh and her study gang to come. studying for chem even though maths paper is on tuesday. im so darn excited cos ANBER-fucking-LIN is performing at Baybeats for free. this is the one of the most awesome things that happened this year.

did i tell this week i feel so darn blessed? last week was like the whole mp3 drama and my grandpa's in the hospital and had his bypass surgery blah,blah,blah. :D. this week was like the total opposite. my mp3 that i bought from hui wen worked again, my grandpa's back at home(he's really skinny) and i had the most awesomest reunion in 4 years with my primary school friends.

all the fotos are on facebook so go check them out. and can you believe it? i only installed active-X yesterday. it's like a gajillion faster uploading photos onto facebook as compared to the simple facebook uploader.

the joy of ramadhan.:D
i have been fasting faithfully for 9 days consecutively. 21 more days to hari raya!

so i went to the intensive care unit to visit my grandpa on wednesday.
the patient beside him asked me whether i was the grandson. I said yes. He told me that I better love my grandparents, because grandparents are closest to their grandchildren. I totally agree. Well, I feel this is literal of course.

this week, no matter how bad it is, end up on a good note. I might have gotten a b3 for mother tongue, which is totally disappointing, but now I know my weaknesses, which was probably my paper 1 dialogue  and maybe also my comprehension passage. But I shouldn't be sad and should just move on. Happy with how my lit assignments are turning out. I figured that I can't risk it for subjects I am strong in, and so Im gonna have to work on them. Work on them. As what ernest hemmingway said" Now is not the time to think of what you do not have, think of working on what you already have''. AT least that is the quote I think I remembered.

tomorrow is the fasting month, and as im really looking forward, feeling really determined to complete a whole month of fasting. =). i hope it would be able to strenghten my faith in Allah, and also help me to lose weight. Throughout this whole year, i have backslided in many things and i want to come out of the fasting month of someone who is more persevering, more determined, and more focused on completing goals.

Alright,that's pretty much it. Im getting a new creative mp3 player from hui wen for $50 dollars tomorrow.
SO happy.

last week was not perfect, but it was still okay except for the fact hui wen fell down and hurt herself on Brandon's birthday. Quite happy with how his collection of birthday gifts turned out.

I cannot emphasise further how sensitive I've been feeling this few days. SO much so, a little oversensative. I put on 2.8kg(which is freaking a lot). The flu I had yesterday made everything a whole lot worse, and it was a horrible experience. Major Guy PMS.

My grandma just had his operation, and Im not sure whther he is conscious now yet. I think he went through some bypass procedure, and is now in the Intensive Care Unit. And this is all happening when he turns 56.

My mum told me about my other grandfather, he died of a heart attack too.
I really do not wish the same to happen to my grandpa. I was crying a lot last night/really early this morning(around 12.30 onwards till 1 or so) cos i was really worried. Death has never come across my mind. At least not to my grandfather who has been supporting his family, playing karaeko songs every sunday when I was young and used to sing with the family. The same grandfather who sent me to pre-school, and let me delicious nasi lemak with my favourite egg.

I just dont want anything bad to happen cos I know Im going to be very much affected by it.
I know i should be more focused on studies and all, but I cant really do so when every moment im wondering what will happen to the next.
I'll feel so guilty if my grandpa passes away without seeing me into a poly or even, a university.
I REALLY WANT TO DO MY BEST RIGHT NOW.  And Im still gonna be cheerful and happy, just the way I've been.
=) .

the devil wears prada, and god wears gucci.

national day celebrations in school was a blur. a real complete surreal blur. Everything went too quickly, and talk about spirit. I think it does not exist in Fuhua students. The choir was mouthing the lyrics of whatever songs they were singing, we cant ever hear nuts. the sec fours would not stand up and jump around despite it being the last year they ever get to all this in fuhua secondary. I feel so sorry yet pathetic for the apathy that all of us have towards such an important day, even though today was not the real day. well, kudos to band. =). i felt they did great with the songs they played for the marching contigents. The marching contigents seemed to have decrease a lot in size, but they still did rather fine i guess.




yeah, yeah. i folded my pants. It was too long, and i didnt wanna cut it and later sew it back, so might as well just fold it. I have just visited my grandpa at the hospital just now. I was quite happy to see him, you know, as I didnt get to see him yet during his four days of hospitilisation till today. I was really glad he could joke and talk as usual. He had to go for some procedure today where the doctor inserted some tube with a camera into a thigh, which somehow goes into his heart. His heart attack was caused by clots in three of his vaults. It was even funny when he told me that the only way to cure it was by smoking. They'll be signing the papers for my grandpa's surgery today, and I hope that my grandpa would be able to quickly go through it, and come back home really soon. =) . There was a patient beside my grandpa who suffered the same thing as my grandpa, and his story was worst.

He was jogging and he fainted, and the last thing he remembered he was all wet and sweaty(much much more than the usual jogging). He just found himself in a hospital the next moment. The man, does not smoke, and he plays soccer. He feels that it is wear and tear, and that it happens to old people. But what saddens me is that all the hospitilised people will not get to eat the home cooked food by their wives. Especially my grandpa. His bed was the only one with the tag "Special Diet". And the food, is bitter. Even the fruits. No food in hospital is nice, except for the chicken soup.

Found this similar pen to those of Meiji at the hospital's bookshop, and the pens there are really really cheap and good.
And yong xiang, if you're reading this, thanks for doing work with me at my grandma's shop. I truly appreciated it.

Im just wondering one thing-
---- oh well, NVM. One should not be thinking so much, and instead embrace every moment one has.

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Pak Hon introduced this video to me the other day. Interesting way to introduce sex ed to the little kids out there.



I would like to ask this very frank question. how many of you people have a problem with your skin colour?   
I don't have one. But I had wished that my skin was paler, closer to that of the Chinese o that of the Caucasians.
You see, when I was young I had much fairer skin, following closely to that of my mother and my sisters. Now, Im risking acne, by putting on Olay whitening cream before I go to sleep. It is suppose to be intensive, but somehow or another, it is always making my face redder.

As they always say, the skin colour is very much related to race but I beg to differ. Just because I want a brighter skin tone, it does not mean that I do not want to be Malay anymore. My interest for my own culture and heritage have been ignited since Secondary Two, and credibility goes very much to Ms Mardiana, a former Malay teacher and Mdm Rohana who was in charge of the Malay Literary Drama & Dance Society.
But honestly, if I was given a choice, I had wished my race on the identity card was Indonesian.

You see, throughout my whole life, I never really felt Malay-Malay. Every Hari Raya when I pay visits to relatives' houses, I used to feel oddly weird as I did not really have the same skin colour as everyone else,

The Chinese blood runs pretty strong on the maternal side of my family, tracing back to my grandfather, who I never had the chance to talk with or even see him through pictures. You see, I, had this habit of "prayer" before sleep, whereby, I thank God, my parents, the people who gave birth to my parents. The only person I do not get to thank is my maternal grandfather. I am honestly not sure whether his surname is a Goh, or a Wan. My grandma says everyone would call him Goh, but my grandma would later on said that he was one of those "orang Wan", or Wan people. What I knew was that, his Indonesian/ Malay/ Muslim name was Hassan. The way his name had been written after my mother's name in her identity card.

Im quite happy with this week. Yong xiang wanted me to post something about him, so I guess I'll post on how yong xiang and i became rather close friends. Such that i appeared number one on his autobot best friend machine on facebook.com . But first, let me randomly say that im putting on a facial whitening mask so that my skin is getting lighter. and that hui wen and i are going on a shopping spree at a flea market. Lol.



sorry yong xiang, i decided to choose the picture that reflected you the most.
that bouncy little boy, who likes to eat, but also has a sensitive side to him.
this photo reflect it best.

he's always smiling you see. =) . but he's sometimes sad about something, and sometimes say that he feels he's going to die tomorrow.
and he's always the funny buddy in class.

alrite, enough about the intro on him. so you see, before me and yong xiang became close, at least to me, we never really spoke to each other. I didnt really wanna mix with the people I did know at first in early sec three life, and well,that was just me back  then. I didnt socialise much. and i didnt like school. you see, earlier on, i found yong xiang irritating. He's always asking questions about everything and alwys have something to support his questions about what the teacher has learnt. Well, at least, that was good cos someone bothered listening, cos I did not. I didnt like school, i didnt like lessons, i didnt like teachers. Whatever. But I was growing conditioned to things, so after a while, I was pretty okay with things.

So you see,in sec three, every combined humans lesson,we had lessons together with 4e5 and i would sit with rauf and shi yuan. and we usually would sit near to edmund.and then cheryl started bringing food to class, and so i talked with her, and always asked food from her. and yong xiang always sat next to her in humans, and me and rauf would use to joke that cheryl never gets fat despite eating so much cos she transfers everything by simply tapping yong xiang on the shoulder.and then edmund shifted place, and i decided to shift places with edmund too cos i liked talking about gods and religions with him. And then yong xiang was beside edmund, and so i guess i just have to sit in between them. and then yong xiang joined in the conversations, and instead of paying more attention on edmund, i paid more attention to things yong xiang was saying cos he was funny and randoms most of the times.

And so, the class shifted seating plans again, and i decided that i was just going to talk to yong xiang most of the time. we only got much closer this year, when i started to bring breakfast for him ,and he pays for my lunch, and we just talked a lot. He was suffering slight depression earlier on this year, and guess that, it helps to encourage someone to look forward, and that somehow made me an optimistic person too.

Well, one thing i  can always know about yong xiang, is that he usually gives an unbiased view,
and does things systematically. He is the kind of person you will want to be around in school. He's funny and also focused on his studies.
He aims to go around the world one day, so let's hope Mr. Ng here would one day find the biggest beauty in life.
Lol. He probably have already found it every single breathing day. Thanks yong xiang for being there sometimes when I needed someone to share. =)  .Love ya buddy. Im always gonna remember every single memory the both of us had in secondary school. the slips off the staircase, the blonde moments you've seen me in, lol.EVERYTHING. and our little gossips too.

XOXO,
hugs and kisses. Lol. (doing this on purpose cos yong xiang doesn't get why it means hug and kisses)
(and by the way, i still can't pronounce his name properly just yet. It's just my tongue)

Guys, as in GUYS(males). How many of you wished that there were 3 shops out of that 5 rows of shops at a certain shopping centre sold guy clothes? And i mean clothes, I mean interesting clothes. I went on prom clothes rampage with hui wen before the Chemistry H.O.P.E programme on Friday, and gosh, if any other guy was there you would literally hear me, "gosh, i wish there was more guy clothes around here". And whenever we stepped into a guy's store, I'd go "Gosh, this is so common". It's so difficult to find clothes that matched your personality, and the only place is town. Im talking about pastel colours, random monsters, aeroplanes, alice in wonderland, thunderbolts, dinosaurs. DO we see any of these in our neighbourhood shopping places? NO, most of the times. well, maybe that really nice red to orange shirt at some shop,which Im planning to go back next week. That shirt, is really nice. Hopefully, it's my size.

I was really pissed by the sales person at ---, Jurong Point. God, has she got a problem. So hui wen and I went around scouting for a headband, and we could not find any nice ones except for the one at that place. Or in fact something which was not nicer than the usual headbands everyone's wearing to school. So we went there for the second time later, and hui wen asked if she could try on the ribbon headband, which was green in colour. Salesperson said yes. I had some money, and I guessed I'd rather spend the money on something which I could not eat, so I too, decided to take an interest in the headband.
For those of you who know me well, you know that I'd always like headbands when I feel my hair is of average length. I'd always use them when my hair is long enough.So I, politely said and smiled to the "nice" little lady, " Can I try this?". And she fucking says no, and does not even answer me when I ask why. Is it because I'm a guy? Goddamit. You stupid . You dont even give proper fashion advice. She'd adviced hui wen to take the other headband cos it was in the trend. Being in the trend and being common is two separate things missy. Being in the trend means to use something that's widely popular to complement yourself, being common means that the trend has already become uglified.

I guess what she meant by a lot of people using it= trendy.
Her trendy=my ugly.
And for fuck's sake, how come a guy is not allowed to try on a neo-bohemian headband(the one that has two separating pieces connected as one)?
Paramore's guitarist uses it, 3oh3!, all time low, jared of bless the fall, all of them use headbands as accessories, from those thin one string headbands to those thick sweat absorbing headbands, all of them use them.
And why can't I try in ----, when I could in Aries, or Ta Zhiang, or anywhere else?

She's one stupid shit.
People who own accessories or any fashion shop should make sure their salesperson know what they're saying, and the value of "customer is always right", and the importance of having a wide customer range.

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